Non-Custodial Parents

This subject has come up a couple of times lately. Actually, it has been in reference to Dads, but I do know there are indeed a population of non-custodial Moms as well. I didn't want to seem bias.

The subject that has come up several times, has been fathers that DO pay child support, yet seem to have no desire or need to have a relationship with their child(ren). The consensus from these separate stories, was that the fathers felt they are doing their parental duty by providing child support for their kids, and that any relationship is up to their children to initiate and foster. It is the responsibility of the kids to nurture the relationship and reach out.

What?

Now we aren't talking older teenagers here. The children in these separate instances were between the ages of 10-13. The Moms have been and continue to be more than willing for the fathers to be actively involved in the lives of their children.

So, Dad pays child support, really doesn't want to put in the effort to have a real relationship, and then pawns this off on the fact it is up to the kids to make and keep contact?

Hmmmm....seems more like sperm donors than real fathers. Just my personal opinion.

Now, do NOT get me wrong, I do know how lucky these Moms are that the Dads pay child support...actually, again I say, WHAT? Lucky? It is their responsibility to do so, is it not? Like they are better fathers because they are not total deadbeats?

In the grand scheme of things, the deadbeats really are about as low as you can get. The ones that totally abandon their children and make no effort financially or otherwise to care for their offspring.

This however, again in my opinion, does not make the Dads that do pay, heros of some sort, or a cut above the rest. They are doing what is expected, what is law and the minimum of what they should do.

I won't even get started on my feelings of deadbeats...just won't go there, for now anyway.

But the biggest issue I have with this is that these men believe it is up to their children to make the effort to have a relationship with them. Wonder if the men just can't be bothered, are too busy in their own lives and do not understand how important they are in the development of their children? Maybe they just are too ignorant to understand the gift they have been given by being able to father (at least biologically) a child(ren).

Not sure if it will happen, but wonder if in their old age these men will have any regret? Maybe not, maybe they will still be too selfish. I hope so, for their sake. Living with that kind of regret is sure to eat away at your soul. But then again, maybe that's the price you pay for not being a real parent in any sense of the word.